please wait, site is loading

UNLOVINGNESS

 

Unlovingness A friend uses us to advance his plans with disregard for our wellbeing or feelings; a sibling only calls when in need of a service; a father pushes us to ever greater achievements for his own ego, discounting our dreams and desires; a mother employs us as a tool in her quest for status, violating our privacy; a lover prefers to keep our relationship non-committal, receiving the benefit of intimacy without the responsibility of care. These cases and many more leave us with a deep mark of hurt and pain, wounding our self-worth and hearts with the Truth that we are loved only as a means to an end. Failing to fulfill that end, or failing to be a usable means in general, we run the risk of being discarded.

Though the pain and hurt subside with time, the notion of intrinsic unworthiness, or the awareness that one is only as good as one suits others’ perceptions and needs, never leaves. Instead, it nests in the subconsciousness and dictates behaviour and life choices henceforth, creating a need for others’ approval and acceptance as proof of being worthy. Shaping oneself into such object of appreciation and desirability to others becomes the quest for self-worth for most of humanity, and failure to achieve this the fastest gateway to devastation.

This is true for everyone, for there is not a Soul alive without this wound in their hearts subconsciously running the Soul’s life. The undercover dictatorship by the wounded self-worth is the path to hell for the Soul. The wound rises into the mind’s awareness in the form of needs whose satisfaction becomes compulsory, as it is the deluded mind’s lifeline to feeling worthy. The need will be for whatever the Soul thinks will arouse appreciation in others according to its class, level of intelligence and nobility: beauty, romantic conquests, wealth, fame, status, knowledge, and political or spiritual dominion.

Once it has identified its need-filling target, the Soul engages in its pursuit, acquisition and consumption with a single-minded dedication, blind to the existence of the underlying wound, and wounding others in the process. This behaviour is akin to filling a leaking cup with ever more water instead of fixing the hole. As long as the wound remains unattended, water will continue to be wasted in a statement of the Soul’s lack of appreciation for it, as well as a sign of its growing dependence on the water’s availability. Whatever the water stands for in a needy Soul’s life – people, status, matter or experiences – its consumption will not and cannot ever heal the leak; it will continue to drive the Soul’s need, and its factual state of dependence will give rise to a fear of lack and greed for more.

The ferocious need for ever more water will push the now-addicted Soul into predation and then murder, should its abundant flow be challenged. This is the story of all successful businessmen and dictators alike, who masterfully package their personal needs into stories of business or national purpose and send employees and countrymen into exploitation and wars in their attainment, without concern for their wellbeing or that of animals and the environment. While we often consider them powerful leaders, in Truth they are mere predators, consuming everything in their need to be loved.

They will not be aware of it, but innerly they carry the consciousness of utter unworthiness, for only a Soul deeply fearful of others’ judgements and needy for their awe would ever invest the enormous life energy that is necessary to acquire and wield such forceful power, and descend to such levels of evil in protecting its availability. In contrast, a Soul that does not hunger for self-worth and is thus not driven by needs would never force, betray or kill for power. It would find the whole business of domination highly boring and redundant, preferring instead to invest its precious energy into growing life, building abundance, expressing beauty and making love.

Such is the consciousness of God. His Spirit being the very water that the evil Soul wastes and predates on, God eventually cuts the flow, exposing the Soul to intense dehydration as well as to the Truth of its leaking cup. Its perception of self-worth and power crumbling, the Soul comes face to face with its unworthiness, a deeply humbling experience of disempowerment and victimization. Left with mere droplets of suddenly highly valued water, it will now have to turn its attention to healing the cracked cup. The cup stands for the Soul’s ability to refrain from fulfilling itself at the cost of another, or in other words, its ability to love.