Pleasure is the sweetest fruit of desire, the actual force that makes the world go round. When we experience pleasure from any act, all our senses awaken and continue to ask for more, refueling our desire for life expression. But pleasure is a two sided sword: as long as it arises as a side-effect of fulfilling a true desire, all is well. However, when pleasure itself becomes the goal, fulfillment is shortchanged as the mind prefers quick pleasure-boosting experiences and consequently degenerates into need, addiction, and finally impotence.
The urge for pleasure is akin to the moth’s drive for light and equally wrought with dangers, for the most potent pleasure enhancers known today, sugar, drugs and alcohol, are also famous for their side-effects. The flight to the electric bulb robs the moth of its wings just like sugar, drugs and alcohol rob the Soul of beauty, control and poise, and Spirit of fulfillment.
The path of seeking pleasure is exemplified by the life of the eternal bachelor. His desire for a woman is a desire for a specific pleasure, be it via her beauty or intellect, sexual or social prowess, or simply the fact that she worships him, and is based in the need to receive. The bachelor perceives this need as a state of mind, an entitlement to happiness, a life philosophy if you will. If the pleasure were to cease, or the woman desired commitment, the bachelor would easily find a replacement. It is easy for two reasons: first, the bachelor needs to consume his particular pleasurable trait, whether from this woman or another; and second, the rest of the woman or trait-carrier, while enjoyable, is not really crucial to his choice, as it does not significantly alter the pleasure he receives. He is infatuated with his desired trait as this is his life-line, his infusion of pleasure, his next fix.
In order to guarantee his influx of pleasure, the bachelor needs to be free to choose from the marketplace according to his daily or yearly moods. A commitment to only one woman would put the bachelor in a very tight spot, asking him to literally sacrifice his sovereignty over his happiness and vitality. To an eternal bachelor, this feels like castration.
Yet the consumption of pleasure is subject to the same rule that applies to the consumption of anything: the law of diminishing returns. Lacking fulfillment at Spirit level, the more we consume, the more we need to consume in order to achieve the same pleasure. And once we have exhausted a source, by using it up or by getting used to it, we need to find a fresh or more potent one to jump-start our experience. Pleasure always depends on the ever-flowing pipeline of fresh and consumable traits. Therefore, when we relate to anything and anyone out of desire for consumption, the law of diminishing returns will ensure the decline of pleasure from this relationship and our loss of desire for it. In contrast, when we approach a relationship with the desire to appreciate and care for another rather than consume them, the law of diminishing returns morphs into the law of fulfillment: the experience of meaning ensures fulfillment independently from the pleasure received.
A man who experiences fulfillment via meaning is a man who ‘owns’ another. Ownership is not control and manipulation, but rather taking full responsibility for and deriving pleasure from the care and wellbeing of another. For example, a pet owner who jumps through hoops to ensure the pet is happy and healthy will derive great fulfillment from witnessing the pet’s joy, despite the extra work. A gardener who applies various methods to enhance her plants’ expression will surge in love and fulfillment seeing them flourish. Whether it is a living thing or matter, it is our appreciation of it and our care for it that gives it a special place in our hearts and true meaning in our lives. Without this meaning, we do not love but use others, depriving them of value and ourselves of the experience of sacredness. In the words of Saint-Exupery:
“You’re beautiful, but you’re empty…One couldn’t die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she’s the one I’ve watered. Since she’s the one I put under glass, since she’s the one I sheltered behind the screen. Since she’s the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except the two or three butterflies). Since she’s the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she’s my rose.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Fulfillment via meaning is what we experience when we truly love and care for another person, animal or thing. It is not dependent on the qualities of the other person, as every mother knows who loves her child unconditionally. It is the quality, depth and intensity of our appreciation of the beloved that makes them meaningful and sacred in our life, and brings about our fulfillment. Such love and appreciation awakens the desire to give rather than seek to receive from another, as it is witnessing their joy that causes our greatest fulfillment. When we love in this way, we will refrain from any action that might hurt or damage another, even if it meant forgoing our pleasure. It means that he or she is safe and secure from being easily replaced, free of jealousy and the feeling of not being good enough, and free from the need to prove worth by potentiating whatever trait it is that buys our love. In short, we do not use others to get our fulfillment, but derive it by fostering abundance in every relationship we enter, whether with humans, animals, nature or things.
The attainment of such consciousness of appreciation is not easy for the eternal user, as it requires experiencing one’s own unworthiness. But it is a necessary step in the evolution of the Soul, for the proclivity to use another for selfish gain is the true face of evil.