One day during my adolescence I had the loving idea to feed pigeons by placing breadcrumbs on the windowsill in our hallway. To my delight I attracted a bunch of them into a feeding frenzy of flying feathers and cooing cacophonies, but also invoked the wrath of my mother who matter-of-factly had me clean the windowsill barehanded, as a lesson in pigeon etiquette. I never fed pigeons again.

The whole event nested in my memory, though not so much for the gruesome hour of scrubbing as for what came afterwards: when I finally went to wash my hands, I experienced a sensual revelation. The soap procured the most blissful pleasure for my skin, its smooth and silky touch under warm water, its sweet smell of jasmine, the moisturized and luxurious sensation afterwards all made me feel like having just enjoyed an expensive spa treatment. I have never looked at soap in this way before, and my appreciation of it instantly skyrocketed. This shift in perception elevated soap from something to use for cleaning to something that heals, seduces and nourishes, that in fact gives considerable pleasure. This discovery of the soap would not have been possible had my hands not suffered such ordeal earlier.

And this, in fact, is the true purpose of all ordeals and deprivation, namely to offer us an opportunity to widen our appreciation for something or someone we usually take for granted, or rather, whose value in our minds is limited to the fulfillment of a specific need. The omission to perceive and cherish the wholeness of attributes produces a great loss for both the perceiver and the one perceived: the former loses the discovery of invaluable sources of fulfillment, while the latter is limited in value to the trait which evokes approval. And while there are some people whose self-worth is independent from others’ feedback, the vast majority will take external appreciation or lack thereof as Truth about their worthiness, and as result potentiate those traits that are appreciated while believing themselves lacking in those that are not. In short, they will have succumbed to, and become fully dependent on, others’ judgements of who they are, who they are allowed to be, and who they should aspire to be in order to feel worthy. They will henceforth express mostly in monochrome, leaving the rest of the rainbow colors dormant in their potential.

Our perception of others is thus a very formidable power, one that most people wield in utter ignorance, akin to a toddler playing with a loaded gun. The lack of awareness of the potency and dangers of our judgement is a source of great damage to others, as it forces their whole energy into an area that might not be best suited for empowerment and success, while it limits their ability to grow those gifts that lead to fulfillment of potential. Situations of hardship and deprivation offer us opportunities to widen the scope of traits we appreciate, and by doing so enable these dormant gifts in others to come to life.

For example, an unexpected crisis in the city’s water supply will leave everyone in need of devising ad-hoc solutions, bringing about a closer interaction of all neighbours amidst looming conditions of lack. During such times we might realize that a neighbour’s light-hearted humour is a powerful gateway for connecting to others, penetrating their minds and hearts with wisdom and love when all reason fails. In fact, it may turn out to be key in preventing the boiling over of tensions into outright force, providing all with safety and enabling the upholding of civilized conduct. The resulting freedom from fear and bullying makes us see this neighbour as a carrier of true power, rather than merely a source of entertainment of no consequence. This considerable change in appreciation gives them empowerment at the level of Spirit that will reverberate in their future as a seed of new growth and a path of leadership, likely in the realm of diplomacy, negotiation or conflict solutions. Had they not been infused with our appreciation, however, their expression would have reverted to and remained at the level of fun, deprived of teeth and potency.

The Soul’s desire to be received in its full potential is ubiquitous, and depicted in countless movies where a hero rises from obscurity into a place of honour and public adulation. Yet what saddens me in these movies is that the aspiring hero always has to display some super-human power or save the world from extinction in order to deserve appreciation. The burden of proof is thereby firmly placed on the soap rather than the person washing hands, which implies an absence of responsibility on the part of the hand-washer for the widening of his perception and for the infusion of his environment with life-inducing appreciation. Such attitude is a statement of his entitlement to judge life according to the evidence submitted, rather than his desire to serve as a conduit of its growth and healing. In religious teachings, this entitlement is the devil’s desire to be God, i.e. wield absolute power over life without also taking responsibility for it.

The omission to appreciate another in their full potential is a lack of visionary ability of the perceiver. It incurs a loss of opportunity for innovation and the capturing of growth at the seed stage, and sentences the perceiver to mediocrity, both in Spirit and in the manifestation of wealth and power. In addition, the limitation placed upon another by one’s unchallenged perception and judgement constitutes an act of wing-clipping and invokes a karmic backlash of similarly destructive impact. For like the luxury of soap, the plethora of powers and pleasures in anything or anyone is there to be discovered by those who have eyes and ears for such wealth. Those who do not will need to acquire sensitivity and wisdom by means of experiencing depreciation on their own skin, as help and encouragement.